Eudorah Kudiabor

Women's History Month-Tales of courage and resilience| Eudorah Kudiabor

"Women always live in denial and believe their abusive partners are genuinely nice and good people so what they are doing to us is really not who they are. "

Eudorah Kudiabor 
Chief Medical Director
Life Scientists and Global Doctors Health Institutions
Ghana

MBA Batch 2020   

Being a female child in Africa, I had to face the reality that I must function above average to get an average salary. I knew life was not fair to the female child in Africa. At the age of 27, I became a single mother, something I feared the most in my life. No matter what happens in relationships/marriages, women mostly take the blame so I knew being a single mum just made everything worse. It was at that point in time that I had to decide what to do with the lemons that life has handed me. 

I was under life-threatening depression from being in an abusive relationship in a faraway land, far from my family which ended with me being a single mother. Being left with nothing, I had to decide whether to give up or fight for my child and myself. Knowing how single motherhood is frowned upon in my country and culture, I made the worst mistake by not telling my family what I was going through until it was almost too late.

With words of support from close family members, I was able to gather my strength and I chose to fight for my child and myself. That became the fuel that kept burning inside me. But how do I start? Where do I go from here? I had absolutely no money! No home as I was told by my child's father to leave his home because I was disturbing his peace with his girlfriend who had moved in with us.
All along, my family didn't still have full knowledge of what I was going through. My child’s father was really well to do, being a chiropractic doctor and an American citizen living in Ghana. I didn't want him to be hated by people so I  protected his image even though he was dragging mine in the mud. As usual, women always live in denial and believe their abusive partners are genuinely nice and good people so what they are doing to us is really not who they are and things will eventually change for the better. And the sad truth is these people are really good to outsiders, so the question of whether anyone would believe us when we speak out was another mental battle. We make all kinds of excuses to stay in abusive marriages/relationships and I also strongly believe that it is mostly due to society's view of women from broken marriages and single mothers as failures in life.

I eventually made friends with another single lady who owned a school and she was excited to learn that I was also into child education besides being a Naturopathic Doctor. Somebody with my level of education and training should be financially stable but she could tell something wasn't right. She initially thought I was doing well and being taken care of by the child’s father. Along the way, she saw through all my smiles and laughter that  I was in a bad state so she gathered the courage to ask me one day and that was when all my defenses came crumbling down and I was more than grateful because I was at the end of my tether.

The first thing she did was to admit my child into her school for free so that when the baby was at school, I could use the time to book clients to do colon hydrotherapy. I had already set up my business and had all legal documents in place but it was taken over by my child's father as we had decided to work together before all this happened. I was ordered not to step foot in the area of the facility so I had to set up a working space at a small area of the facility where I live with my child. It wasn't easy but I managed to work hard and save up enough to get my own office and residence which was just four minutes walk from the residence of my son's father so that he could still be in his child’s life.
 I was able to make enough to sustain my son but I had to close down that clinic and move away due to constant harassment from my son's father. The police system in Ghana is really not strong when it comes to the protection of citizens, so moving far away was the only choice I thought I had at that moment.

I moved to Accra to educate my son. As I loved children, I decided to get training in child education along with practicing naturopathy. All the time, I had to remain strong and focused and made it a point to embrace everything I love from yoga which actually was the therapy that kept me sane, to arts to health book writings, traveling, and then to education and health.
I wouldn't say it was an easy journey as life never stops throwing lemons at you but the best part of it all is that you can make lemonade out of lemons. I did so and continue to do my best to look for a good opportunity in every situation. I use my disappointments as fuel to ignite in me a burning desire to build my dreams. Few rules that keep me pushing are:

1. Not Compromising. Set attainable goals for yourself and commit to accomplishing them.

2. Organising my activities so as to achieve my goals

3. Making sure I set free/relaxing time between my busy schedules so that I do not break down.

4. Eating Healthy. I have my son and a whole lot of children from my school who rely on me to provide them with love, support, and security. Also, being the brain behind all my businesses, I take my health very seriously and make sure I stay strong with healthy lifestyle choices.

4. Procrastination is a dream killer so I make sure I stay far away from entertaining that zone.

5. Building a great team. I make sure I am approachable to my son, my babies from my school, and all my staff and clients including my patients. The connection I have developed with them makes them feel comfortable to share ideas and build with me.

6. Learning to say No. As a supermom and woman, you may have the tendency to push beyond your limits because you hate to disappoint people who believe in you but I make sure to remind myself that I am not perfect and will not be available to everyone at the same time. Therefore, in areas that I need to say no, I say so and make sure the people affected understand and in other areas, I delegate to my team members to take up responsibilities.

7. Appreciation and love are my two religions. I make sure to show my sincere appreciation and love to everyone I come across who has been part of my journey to success. I appreciate everyone and love all regardless of whatever background they come from as far as they cause no harm to me or other innocent people.

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